How to Drive Fast and Generally Get Away With It.
First, the required disclaimer: The goal of this essay is to educate you
about the ramifications of exceeding speed limits and the beaurocracy that
is significantly stacked against you with regard to their enforcement.
Several groups, both government and private continue to make the case that
highway speed limits exist for the safety of motorists. This is, at
best, marginal, and at worst, a flat out lie.
I won't go into the specifics, so I'll simply say this: If you've decided
to exceed the speed limit on public highways, this document will give you
a generally good overview of how to "get away" with it. It is not the
intention of this essay to suggest that anyone should violate state or
federal laws. If you do so, it's your responsibility, not mine.
With that said, on with the show.
General Principles:
Some people who write on this concept will tell you to drive (or own) a
relatively bland car in drab colors so as not to attract police attention.
This is effectively bunk. I've gotten pulled over in beige econo-boxes
just as often as in red Ferraris and orange japanese supercars.
Trust me. Cops do this every day. They can generally tell if the innocent
looking minivan or Toyota Corolla they see is doing 40 over the limit,
regardless of how boring its color.
It doesn't matter what you drive. If it's a puke-green sedan, you'll get
pulled over just as readily as a flaming red crotch rocket1.
The key is in how you drive it, where you drive it, and how smart you are
while doing it.
Countermeasures:
Effective countermeasures, despite what ads in the back of car magazines
would have you believe, are few and far between. They vary from electronic
to chemical and back again for differing problems, but first be aware of
the single best countermeasure devices in existence: Your brain and
eyeballs. These things have the rather desirable ability to see things and
process the images they detect, and as such you should really consider
using them to that end.
Cops tend to set up speed traps in locations in which it is easy for them
to see you, and hard for you to see them. The basic concept is to look
for them. You should always have your eyes moving between two key
points: The horizon on both sides of the road, and the midpoint between
you and the horizon on both sides of the road. You should be able to
selectively "drop" locations that are relatively safe due to their very
design and concentrate on "maybes". Safe areas are anything in which it is
impossible for a cop car or speed trap to exist. These include: Roads
without shoulders or guard rails very close to the lanes, wide open areas
in which there are few natural or synthetic hiding places (see: Nevada),
and anything else that you feel safe ignoring. Simple rule in this regard:
If there is any doubt, there is no doubt.
While your baby blues are the best defense against cops and speed traps,
there are a few gadgets you can equip yourself with which will assist you
in identifying and removing threats. These include: Detectors, Jammers and
Physical Blocking Agents.
1) First up, Detectors. Most cops these days use either wideband radar or
laser to track speed. Some smaller counties may still use X and K band
radar, but these are becoming rare. You'll want a detector that covers X,
K, Ka, Ka wideband, and Laser. I have owned dozens of these units, and I
can safely say that the only one worth buying is the Valentine One.
You can buy them at any high end car audio or electronics shop, or order
them direct from the website. Don't let some salesman
tell you that other detectors are just as good. They lie. The V1 is what
Mr. Lion trusts his insurance rates to, so you should take that as a
fairly good indication of its performance.
So, now you have your shiny (or rather matte) new V1. Time to install it
in a stealthy manner. Why? Well, because first off, detectors are illegal
in some states run by soccer moms. So, if you do get pulled over, you can
have your detector stolen.. ur.. "confiscated", and face a fine. Should
your state not have a problem with detectors, you should still endevor to
hide the thing. The reason is simple: If you do get pulled over and a cop
sees your detector, you'll get a ticket. It'll happen. Period. So hide the
thing. Methods for doing so range from sticking the thing on the passenger
side of your rear view mirror, to complex hidden installations in the
front bumper of your car. Valentine One offers a trick remote display
which you can mount out of casual sight, while sticking the detector (with
its display turned off) behind the mirror.
A quick note on detector placement: You want the thing as high as possible
on the windshield, and close to the center. Don't mount it to one side nor
stick it low. The higher it is, the more range it gets. Thusly, behind (or
beside) the mirror is the choice location.
Anyway, now that you have a functioning detector, learn to use it. The V1,
which you should have, has several neat features to alert you to
real threats. The V1 will even tell you which direction they're
coming from, and a bunch of other spiffy stuff. One key issue, however: Do
not become dependent on your detector. It is not a perfect device or a
replacement for the best detector which sits between your
shoulders. It is an aid to that detector, so use it as such. Do not stop
scanning for hostile targets in locations of opportunity, or you will
raise your chances of getting nabbed.
2) Secondly, Jammers. Yes, there are devices that can jam both radar and
laser, and no, there are not many of them. Not ones which actually work,
anyway. First, radar jammers. Forget all the "passive" jammers you see
advertised online and in magazines. They're all effectively $20 worth of
radio shack parts sold for $200. They're all crap. The only radar jammers
that do work are active jammers. This means that they are able to
transmit fairly high power microwave signals.
I should note that this is in direct violation of many FCC regulations,
which is why active jammers are few and far between. If you get caught
using one, well, don't get caught using one.
So how do you tell if a jammer works? Well, there's a simple rule of
thumb. If it's the size of a radar detector it's crap and will
never work. If it's the size of a small phone book, it'll probably work.
The reason is simple: Active jammers that work need to transmit, and to do
that requires a radome of some sort. The ones that are powerful enough to
actually jam police radar units are rather large.
2a) So what about laser? Unfortunately, laser is very hard to detect as it
is instant and very fast. It's also easy to target, unlike radar, and
highly accurate. It's no small wonder then that most police departments
that can afford them are going to laser (also known as lidar) units. The
good news, however, is that laser units are relatively easy to jam and
doing so is more or less legal, so far as the FCC is concerned. (For
clarification: The FCC does not regulate light transmission, so jammers
which emit infrared pulses are not in violation of federal law.) That
said, some states outlaw them, so if that applies to you, make sure the
jammer isn't easily found.
The best laser jammer I've found, and the one I have on my own car, is
called the Blinder M-10. A quick google search will find you several sites
selling them. This device is comprised of a control box and two laser
emitter units which are designed to be installed in the front grill of
your vehicle. When triggered by a burst if laser from a police source, the
Blinder will fire back a huge amount of infrared light on the same
wavelength as the lidar gun. This confuses the hell out of it and greatly
reduces the range and accuracy of the detection gun.
One issue you should know about: If you're actively jamming radar and/or
laser, the cops will generally get wise to it. Lidar guns will display an
error message instead of a speed reading, and radar guns will pick up the
telltale screech of a jammer should the operator be listening to the
dopler feedback on a set of headphones. If this happens, and you're the
only car on the road, you're kind of screwed.
The best technique to avoid this is to install a hidden kill switch that
disables all of your jamming and detection hardware. Then, when the cops
attempt to detect your speed and the resulting christmas tree on your dash
alerts you to the fact, you have a narrow window of opportunity to scrub
enough speed to avoid a ticket, disable your jamming hardware, and thusly
allow the cops to get a speed reading. Hopefully, one which doesn't make
them inclined to give you a ticket. I've done this dozens of time with
great success, and only one cop got wise to the fact that I jammed his
donut munching behind.
Fortunately, he was a good sport about it. Not all cops are, and some of
them may decide to take your car apart on the side of the road if they
think you have a jammer (if illegal in your state).1 If this is
the case, have the number of your lawyer on speed dial, and make bloody
sure you have your jamming hardware installed by someone who knows enough
to hide it in creative ways. For example: My setup is completely
transparent to even trained eyes. This kind of work is not cheap (unless
you possess the skills required to do it yourself).
3) Now, one other concept which doesn't require a cop, but can still
result in less than pleasant letters in the mail. Photo radar. This was
wildly popular a few years ago, but is quickly being replaced by real live
officers again due to the majority of photo radar tickets getting tossed
in court cases.
There are, however, an increasing number of traffic cameras or "red light"
cameras. Those are outside the scope of this document, but are equally
easy to defeat. The trick involves masking your license plate from cameras
using strobe lights. (e.g. a flash) There are various devices to
accomplish this from plastic screens to liquid sprays. The concept is the
same: Make the entire license plate very reflective so that it turns white
when hit with a camera flash, and the number is thusly not readable. There
are a zillion and five of these, should you be in the market for one, so
look around. They're also easy to test, just take a photo of one installed
over your plates from a distance of about 30 feet. If you can't read the
number, it works.
Note that some states prohibit covering your plates with anything, so
you'd be better to investigate the spray. I personally use one of the
lexan plastic covers.
Evasion Techniques:
1) Know where cops hide. This is fairly easy to deduce, just keep alert
and on the lookout while driving at a normal speed. Anything that offers a
cop a good perspective of the area of road you happen to be in, as well as
concealment of his car, is a key area to be aware of. This includes
overpass pillars, ground-level billboards, emergency u-turn paths
(conveniently marked by their no u-turn signs) and various natural
obstructions they can hide behind. Always be scanning the road and
horizon, while checking your mirrors every minute or so.
It is a good rule of thumb to lift off the throttle when approaching
anything your mind classifies as a potential threat area. Don't peg the
brakes, just lift off and coast down towards the "safe zone" as defined as
within ten mph of the speed limit.
2) Brake or Flee. Now, assuming you have failed miserably at the first
step and a cop has either "lit the cherries" on your six, or has simply
taken enough interest in you to warrant further observation, you'll have
two choices to make. Floor it, and try to get away, or try to slow down
before he can pace you and get your speed. This, of course, assumes a
secondary measurement device such as radar or laser has not already been
used on your sorry tail. More on that later.
First, you have a decision to make. It should almost always be "face the
music, slow down, and deal with the situation". If, however, you just
finished watching Cannonball Run and are willing to risk everything
from a phonebook full of tickets to 25 to life in a federal
pound-you-in-the-butt prison, you may decide to go for it. If you do, the
following should be true:
2a) You should have a significant amount of experience driving in
high-pressure, high speed situations. e.g. If you don't, take a few
instructor classes at your local road racing course. Then build a race car
and race it for a few years. Then and only then will you be in a position
to run from the man.
2b) You should be in a very fast car that is able to out-accelerate,
out-brake and out-handle any given cop car by a wide margin. If you're in
a Toyota Supra or a Porsche 911, into which you have dumped several
thousand dollars worth of brake and suspension upgrades into, you're
probably set. The jist of it: Don't do this in a minivan, SUV or economy
car. You'll probably die or end up on COPS at three in the morning.
2c) If not in a very fast car, you can achieve similar results on a crotch
rocket. You do, however, stand a fairly good chance of becoming a 2 mile
long red streak along the interstate, so don't get ballsy unless you've
been riding (and racing) for a few years.
2d) You should be intimately familiar with the area you're in. If you
don't at least have a general knowledge of the area, the roads, nearby
freeways and possible highways, don't do anything stupid. You must also
take into account traffic patterns. It doesn't do you any good to evade a
cop only to get stuck in traffic five miles down the road.
If these situations are true, you can try your luck. Ideally you want to
accomplish two goals. You want to get the hell out of visible range of the
cop, and you then want to hide as quickly and as well as possible. You
want to do this, as if you do not, you'll find that the cop chasing you
has radioed ahead and either has half a dozen cruisers with spike belts,
or a helicopter waiting to greet you five miles up the road. So, you'll
want to get a good mile on the cop as quickly as possible. (read: Before
he gets your plate number) Then, take the first exit you can, and hide.
This can be anything from pulling into a truck stop and praying, or
getting stealthy and backing into someone's driveway, shutting the car
down and hiding behind a bush.
Note, again, that getting caught at this point will really leave a lasting
impression on your insurance rates and life in general, so as a rule don't
do it unless you're going to jail anyway. e.g. Exceeding the limit by over
100 mph.
3) Braking. Assuming you've come to your senses, do this and see if you
can't get lucky. This is a key topic for any speed addict. One must be
able to slow their vehicle in a relatively quick manner without making the
act blatantly obvious. How is this accomplished? Well, it depends on the
vehicle. It is generally accomplished with a mix of engine braking and
physical braking.
On vehicles with a manual transmission, simply downshift to a lower gear.
This will increase engine rpm, and with the throttle closed, will increase
engine braking. The correct technique is to quickly rev-match and shift to
a lower gear, then remove throttle completely and allow the vehicle to
slow down. A rev-match is the technique of matching engine RPM to the next
lower gear. If you're unfamiliar with this technique, well, google
for it. If you're impatient, it means giving the throttle a stab with the
clutch disengaged to bring engine rpm's up to a level higher (or equal to)
what the lower gear will demand.
If, however, you have an automatic transmission... well, first my
condolences on ordering a car as interesting as a plain cheese pizza, and
a single slice at that. That said, all is not lost. You can accomplish a
similar effect to a downshift by disengaging the overdrive gear, should
you have a recent slushbox. If you're not equipped with such, simply pop
the transmission into "2", or whatever the gear lower than "drive" happens
to be. It'll accomplish the same feat.
Anyway, assuming engine braking alone won't cut the mustard in the time
you have to work with, you can resort to conventional braking. Don't peg
the brakes, whatever you do. This sends a visible red beacon to any and
every cop which may be on your tail trying to pace you. Instead,
gently (and I do mean gently) apply the emergency brake. This only
works in vehicles with a hand-lever type emergency brake. If you have a
foot-actuated emergency brake or a ratchet-type which must be fully
applied before it can be disengaged, for the love of Jeebus do not do
this.
If, however, you have a hand-lever type of emergency brake, you can. Press
the unlocking button on the end of the lever and hold it, and then gently
pull up on the handle. This will slowly apply your rear brakes. This is
far from optimal, so don't expect a normal level of braking power, but it
is a quick way to scrub 20 mph off your speed.
Before you do this, practice the application in an empty parking lot. If
you apply too much brake and lock your rear wheels, you'll spin your car
and crash, which will be slightly more expensive than the ticket you would
have gotten. A ticket, I might add, which you'll still get in addition to
whatever else the head-shaking officer thinks is appropriate.
If (when) you get caught:
If you speed enough, eventually you'll get caught. It's a fact of life.
First, you can try to get out of it. It's is very hard, rarely works, and
is usually a waste of time. However, ten seconds may get you out of
several hundred dollars worth of fines, so it's worth a shot. Follow these
rough guidelines:
Have a prepared, believable excuse. Cops have heard them all several times
over, so if you think you can come up with something in 30 seconds or
less, think again. You should have five or so excuses for "moderate"
speeding worked out ahead of time. I won't offer any here, as most of mine
work, and I'm not sharing. All I'll suggest is that you apply common sense
and logic to your explanations for going like a bat out of hell. Then tell
them to a friend. If they buy it, you might have a shot. Do not, however,
bother with excuses if you were excessively (e.g. 50 plus over the limit)
speeding. It's not going to fly unless your wife/gf/etc is having a baby,
or you have an eight inch framing spike protruding from your chest.
Now, once the cop has reached your window (we'll assume he didn't have you
eat pavement while pointing the dangerous end of a firearm in your general
direction. If that's the case, shut up and wait for your phone call), a
series of events will occur:
First, an officer will ask you if you know why you've been pulled over.
Oh, they know why, and you know why. I'm convinced this is little more
than an irritation analysis to figure out if you're stupid or not. If you
try to tell them that you have no idea that you were going 120 in a 55 (or
what have you), you will have successfully achieved 100 percent cop
contempt for your very being. This is not a good position to be in, so
offer a meek "I believe I may have been going too fast, officer."
Now is the critical time. You'll be asked for your license and
registration. Before the cop gets it and proceeds to walk back to
his cruiser so he can run your numbers and find out all kinds of things
about you, you must get your excuse in. Make it short, to the point, and
accurate. If an officer gets away from you with your license, you will
almost certainly receive a ticket. They start writing them in the car, and
once they start, they rarely if ever stop. So, get your story in, and hope
it works. If you're fortunate, the cop will let you know that you're
getting off with a warning. They still may want to run a check to see if
you're a serial killer, however, so don't spaz out.
If you have failed miserably and have been given your county tax levy...
ur... I mean speeding ticket, accept it and continue along your journey.
You're not quite out of options so far as getting out of the fine, but you
are so far as not having it issued in the first place, which is goal
number one.
Now that you have your ticket stuffed in the glove box with the other half
dozen, or clutched in your trembling hand depending on your experience
level, there is really only one option to take. Hire a traffic lawyer. A
proficient speeder will already have a handy list of area traffic lawyers.
Many of them have a range of representation of around 100 miles or so.
Their fees range between $100-500 or so, depending on the fine and
specifics of it. Most often, they can get tickets dismissed or argued down
to lesser offenses. Often, four, six, or eight point speeding tickets and
their associated fines can be argued down to zero or two point
infractions, with a small or non-existent fine.
I once got an eight point ticket for "street racing" (I wasn't, then, but
the cop was a prick2) reduced to a two point "passing a traffic
control device" infraction, which was a $50 fine. Suffice it to say the
$300 I spent on a traffic lawyer offset the several thousand dollar
increase in insurance rates I avoided.
Some will suggest that you show up in court and represent yourself. To
that I'll say this: Tell them to operate on themselves the next time they
require surgery. Traffic lawyers are professionals, they have years of
experience dealing with the tickets that are issued, the prosecutors in
the counties they were issued in, the judges who generally hear them, and
the system in general. They know what they're doing, and chances are you
do not. So, get out the phone book and hire a pro. Another added bonus is
that traffic lawyers can represent you in court without requiring your
presence, which means you don't have to kill a day of work. All one needs
do is prepare a statement of events and a consent form for the lawyer to
represent you. They'll then contact you with the result.
In closing, I'll state what should be the obvious: Be smart, and be safe.
1 This assumes the all things being equal law. If you
get a buttnozzle of a cop, the rulebook goes out the window.
2 It is generally unwise to make your best R. Lee Ermey
impersonation and ask an officer if he was about to call you an asshole.
Trust me on this.