Time for a list.
Yes, it's time for one of those list things. Why? Well, why not. They're fun, amusing, and a good
So, without further adieu: 35 Things Every Man Should Do Before He Dies.
- Ride a Motorcycle. Harley, Crotch Rocket, whatever. And I don't mean putter around a parking lot. I mean no less than three states and two time zones.
- Visit Costa Rica. You'll know why when you get there.
- Own a vehicle which produces in excess of 300 horsepower. Bonus point for every additional hundred in excess. Four points gets you into the Mr. Lion Club.
- Own a gun. Bonus points for each additional. 20 or more gets you into the du Toit club.
- Jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Risk? Life insurance exists for a reason, and the rush is worth it.
- Ride a Horse. Bonus points if you do so while carrying a firearm. Double bonus points if it's a single action Colt revolver.
- Exceed 150 miles per hour on a public highway. Just because. Requires owning a fast car at some point.
- Have a son. No greater joy, no greater stress.
- Learn to play the Guitar. Two words: Johnny Cash
- Visit Kenya. You'll know why when you get there.
- Beat something to pieces with a baseball bat. Bonus points if it's a PC or a Liberal.
- Fabricate something out of steel. Bonus points if it involves an acetylene torch or plasma cutter. Building your own exhaust headers or turbo system gets you into the Mr. Lion Club.
- Visit Fiji. You'll know why when you get there.
- Own a turbocharged car. 20 psi or more boost gets you into the Mr. Lion club.
- Make fun of a hippie. Bonus points if they cry.
- Buy an iPod. Taking it out of the box is nearly as much fun as using it.
- Own a Corvette. Bonus points if it's Supercharged.
- See a Broadway Show. Preferably one of mine.
- Do naughty things with a Tough Chick in a classic muscle car. There are no valid excuses for getting out of this one. Including being gay.
- Drink a bottle of scotch older than the Tough Chick. I recommend The Macallan 30 year. This may get tough and rather expensive for you old farts.
- Blow something up. Tree, coke bottle, old fridge, hippie... whatever.
- Execute a 50-foot burnout in view of a law enforcement official. Not as much fun if you know said law enforcement official.
- Flip off Michael Moore. New Yorkers are required to do this in person, others can make use of a TV, photograph, or mail in a photocopy of said digit.
- Use an aerosol can in a method other than directed. I recommend WD40 and a Zippo.
- Own a Zippo or twelve. See above.
- Smoke a Santiago Cabana Cigar. I don't care if you "don't smoke", it's not a valid excuse.
- Climb a Mountain. A big one.
- Pilot an airplane. Bonus point for jet powered.
- Visit New York City, admit all other cities suck by comparison. And make fun of the nuts running the place.
- Eat a one pound burger. And live to tell about it.
- Two words: Body Shots. No explanation should be necessary.
- Two more: Jell-o Shots. At least a dozen.
- Bungee jump Victoria Falls. 364 feet of free falling fun.
- Watch a Yankees game in the House that Ruth built. And make fun of the Red Sox.
- Drive across the country. In three days or less. Bonus points if your average speed is in the triple digits.
- Make love in a hammock to a beautiful woman, and don't fall out. (I'm talking about not falling out of the hammock OR the woman.)
UPDATE: Mrs. du Toit has the list for women, and I'll say this much: Kim is a lucky SOB.
posted by Mr. Lion | 05/29/04 @ 22:19 | comments (20)